In the elevated, sanctimonious tradition of the inestimable Lloyd Grove, we issue this call to arms to pundits, writers, tastemakers, and (dare we say it) bloggers far and wide: Let us not speak of Paris Hilton again. Let us disregard those antics that would otherwise warrant so much fleeting press from so many fleeting media outlets. Let us divorce ourselves from her poisonous presence in American popular culture. Let us focus on more enriching enterprises, like rigorous discussions of the 17th season of The Apprentice, or Roger Avary’s screenwriting, or the career of Ben Stiller. Let us speak of steroids, of baseball, of horse racing. Let us embrace the Kentucky Derby with renewed vigor.
Let us look past Ms. Hilton’s three seasons of moronic reality-television output. Let us salivate no longer on the entity known as Paris Hilton: her casually-flouted nudity, her vapid imbecility, her patented pronunciations of “That’s hot.” Paris? Hot? You’re not.
Let us look forward to a day when this name will be synonymous with an endgame in the turning point of American culture, a utopian point at which we will have foregone such asinine documentation of these characters: the intellectually frail, the idiotically fulsome, and the irritatingly frivolous. Let us collectively embrace an era when we, the pundit class, can transcend such vile antics, and shall no longer forcibly parlay in matters of such juvenalia, such loathsome simplemindedness.
Paris? Ms. Hilton? We shall never speak of thee again. We are so much better than that.
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11 replies on “Our definitive thoughts on Paris Hilton (A rousing clarion call through the night!)”
So, Paris won’t be invited to the White House, either?
As usual, a hysterical commentary on our obsessions. And the particular joy we take in denying our guilty pleasures, while we simultaneously indulge in them.
I eagerly join this crusade!
sweet jesus. “let us look past ms. hilton”? would you look past a total eclipse? a meteor shower? the aurora borealis? such is the heavenly light with which Paris burns. her stranglehold on the heart of our culture is the product of stunningly brilliant mind. her every move is an excercise in lateral genius. you will never quash her greatness. goddamn quashers.
I think her face is all f-ed up.
How dare president Bush cast judgment on the Prince of Wales? Animal. And I’m not kidding here. If Bush hadn’t seen fit to convert to, gasp, Methodism, Charles would soon enough be the head of Bush’s church. This is taking the name Republican to its most charmless and jacobin extreme. For shame, Mr. President, for shame. I suspect the story’s not true, though.
Oh yeah, Paris, it’s over. So, how about that Walid Jumblatt?
hhahhaahah, you funny, lowculture.
here here!!!
The only reason I got to this damned page is because I was trying to find out about Paris’ new movie, the “wax” one, and the search engine picked this one up, dammit.
FOR THE LAST TIME I WAS NOT LOOKING FOR HILTON PORN YOU DIRTY WHORES
I have pictures of me and Paris at the lake last summer. You can email me if you want to see them. She is a stupid whore, and when she bent over on the boat, her vagina fell out of her bathing suit and got all over everything.
i think its all so wickedly funny and i love you all bye bye from andrew