“Fallon, who has zero screen presence, flounders around, dribbling forth what can only be improvised dialogue in the most embarrassing SNL vehicle since Pootie Tang.”
‘TAXI’ DRIVEL, by Megan Lehmann, Oct. 6, 2004
Month: October 2004
Age under which commercial composer and tea salesman Moby says every celebrity seems like a “half-wit”: 23
Year Harvard educated action figure model Natalie Portman was born: 1981
Categories
Rodney Dangerfield, RIP
I had the pleasure of interviewing Rodney Dangerfield two years ago. He was a great guy, a little out of it, but still as funny and nasty as you could hope for.
I met Rodney in his Westwood apartment, where he lounged in a loosely held bathrobe – that night I saw more of Rodney Dangerfield than I expected, a softer, more fleshy, less circumcised side. I also met his wife, who was beautiful, blonde and half his age (placing her somewhere around fifty), but she was surprisingly sharp and impossibly nice.
Rodney was in show business for more than sixty years and worked every gig imaginable, from singing waiter to The Dean Martin Show. He discovered Kinison and Hicks and countless others. In many ways Back to School is to blame for my own sub-par performance in college. And how many times can you wring your collar and declare “No respect” before it gets tired? Never.
What follows are excerpts from the interview or the transcript.
On Overcoming Depression:
“When you’re smart,” Rodney says, “you’ve got no one to talk to. I’ve done everything for it, including forty-eight Austrians, OK? It’s not easy.”
“I have no idea what that means” is the best I can come up with.
“I keep myself dumb, I make plenty of friends that way. It’s easier to get a chick when you’re dumb.”
OK, but thers thers got to be more. Does he take anti-depressants?
“Nothing.”
What about the alcohol cure?
“No, I hardly touch it. I smoke pot,” he says, “I smoke a lot of pot.”
On Romance:
“Listen man,” he offers, “You can always find a chick with a nice ass. You find a chick who’ll actually listen to you, and you can bring yourself to listen to? That’s what you hold on to. If she has a nice ass too, that’s not so bad either.”
I like Rodney’s advice – it seems honest – but this comes only minutes after he’s said, “I told my wife she’s awful in bed. So she went out and got a second opinion. And then she got a third opinion, and a fourth opinion.”
And the inevitable follow-up, “My wife, she likes to talk during sex. The other night she called me from a motel.”
Earlier: How to Replace Your Lesbian Daughter
Categories
Biting the (Invisible?) Hand
It’s often observed of George W. Bush that, per the old saw, he was born on third base but he thinks he hit a triple. On the other hand, like him or loathe him, Dick Cheney came from humbler circumstances, and must be given some credit for the sharp elbows and all-American ambition that led him to success. But don’t let’s get too misty-eyed prasing Dick for his enterprise, because he’s not all that different from Dubya when it comes to admitting that he may not have done it all by himself.
As we await the vice-presidential debate, this exchange from the 2000 VP debate comes to mind:
LIEBERMAN: I think if you asked most people in America today that famous question that Ronald Reagan asked, “Are you better off today than you were eight years ago?” Most people would say yes. I’m pleased to see, Dick, from the newspapers that you’re better off than you were eight years ago, too.
CHENEY: I can tell you, Joe, the government had absolutely nothing to do with it. (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)[emphasis added]
Oh really? This lone-wolfish insouciance comes from a guy who has been working in government since the late 60’s and whose father and father-in-law were both federal civil servants. He seems more than happy to accept the largesse that comes with being a public servant, including free, world-class health care, a government pension, and free trips in a Gulfstream jet to go duck-hunting with pals. Now, all of these goodies probably don’t mean much to a man with a net worth of $50 million, but as far as we know, he hasn’t forsworn any of these perks, nor has he offered to pay for them himself. Guess big government isn’t always so reprehensible. (But maybe he can’t help it — it’s just that pernicious “culture of dependency“…)
Most of Cheney’s fortune, of course, comes from his tenure at Halliburton, and while we must all tip our hats to the chutzpah of a man who appointed himself to the positions of CEO and running mate, could Halliburton’s abrupt decision to hire Cheney — who had no prior experience in business management — have had anything to do with the Cheney’s work in government, or, specifically, the fact that, as Secretary of Defense, he’d awarded lucrative contracts to Halliburton as part of a program to outsource military functions to private contractors?
Nah.
Little Jackson Pollocks, Exploring in Oil Paints
New York Times 10/4/04
Which Was Painted By a Child?
New York Times 10/3/04
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Girl
New York Times 9/28/04
Categories
An old Rove mind trick
From the New York Times:
But in a sign that the Bush campaign suddenly found itself on the defensive, the president’s chief political adviser, Karl Rove, who is normally elusive to the press, sought out reporters to push the campaign’s argument that Mr. Kerry was a walking contradiction on Thursday night and that Mr. Bush was focused and pensive during the encounter, not peevish.
Rove: You don’t need to see Bush’s qualifications.
Press Corps: We don’t need to see Bush’s qualifications.
Rove: Bush was focused and pensive.
Press Corps: Bush was focused and pensive.
Rove: Kerry is most likely a pedophile.
Press Corps: Kerry is most likely a pedophile.
And he’ll remain this cocky all weekend long, until Karl Rove implies that Kerry is a pedophile. Or so we heard.
Oy, we’re kvelling over here about how many mentions of Jews there are in today’s New York Post! Nu, it gives us such nachas to see that this city’s true paper of record is finally recognizing Jews’ valuable contribution to the city!
First, there’s an article on Jews in reality TV shows sensitively headlined Jew-Insult ‘Apprentice’ Fired Twice by Don Kaplan and Braden Keil (two nice Jewish boys, yes?). Strangely, this piece about Apprentice contestant Jennifer Crisafulli‘s anti-semitic comments (“It was those two old Jewish fat ladies!”) is not on the Post website (conspiracy?), but you can read all about it here. (Why isn’t this article online? Such a shande!)
Then the Post saw fit to run a press release article by Suzanne Kapner (a nice Jewish girl, maybe?) about a hip [sic.] Jewish clothing company called Jewcy.
From the hilarious headline (New Jewcy.com Web Site’s Offerings Are Strictly Kosher) to the article’s pitch-perfect lede (“Call it knish kitsch.”), this has to be one of the best, most spot-on pieces about Jews I’ve ever encountered! And I’ve read tons of Jewy crap!
Since the very headline was a plug for Jewcy junk, you just gotta check out their website for hilarious T-shirts emblazoned with such clever, easily accessible Yiddishisms as Yenta, Kvetch, and Meshuggenah! It’s shtetl fabulous—even for your shagetz boyfriend who gives your mother such tsuris and makes her want to plotz!
Feh, it’s enough to make you chaloshes! I just wish I could remember Jewcy‘s URL and help them make some more gelt. Oh, well, guess they get bubkis.