Hey Everybody, Jake here, Mega-Publisher Extraordinaire.

Can you feel it? Wait. Wait. That! Wait for it... Wait for it... There, that! It's our amazing low culture redesign!

You're probably asking yourself, "Self, why would one of the internet's best websites redesign? I mean, why ditch the 'shallow' content and all that other stuff? Why mess with perfection? You don't know? Are you even listening to me, Self? Why do you hate me? Why won't you just look me in the eye and say my name? What's my name, Self? Will! Will, I am, of the Black Eyed Peas."

Well, while you talk stuff out with yourself, I'll explain. We're redesigning low culture for the best reason possible: to make money! Lots of fucking money! Boo-ya! We're not ones to count our chickens before they're grilled on little wood sticks and served with dipping sauce, but since we're all friends here, we'll tell you all about it.

· First up: our book deal. We recently received a "nice" contract from one of America's leading publishing houses (trust me, you've heard of it) to pen low Blows: The low culture Guide to Hack Humor, Knee-Jerk Politics, and Jokes About Celebrities Who Get Fat. It's due out in November and don't worry, you'll still get awesome content at low culture since we farmed out the book writing to a college kid we know.

· Next: low culture TV! Okay, not quite TV per se, but broadband on the website of a major entertainment company. We're platform agnostic so to us, broadband is just as good as TV. Or phones. Or God...or whatever. Like I said, we're agnostic.

· Finally: Novelty Record. We're gonna live out a lifelong dream of creating a novelty record of skits, songs, and awkward silences. And because we're old school, we're pressing it on vinyl. If you're interested in selling low culture's Songs For Young People in the Key of Francis Scott Key, contact Rick at our distro (or through Forced Exposure).

So, there you go, the next phase of low culture. This one column right here...do you feel it? You bet you do.