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June 16, 2004
Here it is, in black and white
While sports fans everywhere are abuzz with news of the Detroit Pistons's more-or-less unanticipated victory over the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Finals, we here at low culture readily acknowledge that the only thing we love more than sports are drugs, and, in the beloved tradition of Darryl Strawberry, preferably both at the same time.
| Lance Armstrong |
Barry Bonds |
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| Pre-eminent cyclist...the greatest ever? |
Pre-eminent baseball player...the greatest ever? |
| 5 Tour de France titles over the past 5 years |
6 MVP awards, including the past 3 years |
| Highly-respected and liked by the general public; has "a good attitude" |
Highly-respected, though disliked by the general public; has "a bad attitude" |
| Publicly battled cancer |
Publicly battled the death of his father from cancer |
| Currently embroiled in a steroid/doping scandal that threatens his legacy |
Currently embroiled in a steroid/doping scandal that threatens his legacy |
| The big issue, according to the Independent Online: "Emma O'Reilly, an Irish woman who worked for several years as Armstrong's "soigneur" - a combination masseur, physical therapist and personal assistant...claims Armstrong asked O'Reilly to dispose of a black bag containing used syringes after the Tour of the Netherlands in 1998...A year later, the book claims, Armstrong asked O'Reilly for makeup to conceal syringe marks on his arm at the Tour de France medical checkup, an event closely followed by reporters and photographers." |
The big issue, according to the San Francisco Chronicle: "Greg Anderson, Bonds' personal weight trainer and longtime friend...allegedly obtained a so-called designer steroid known as "the clear" and a testosterone-based steroid known as "the cream" from BALCO and supplied the substances to all six baseball players, the government was told. In addition, Bonds was said to have received human growth hormone, a powerful substance that legally cannot be distributed without a prescription, investigators were told." |
| A possible explanation: "O'Reilly acknowledged she did not know what was in the syringes...Armstrong said he had used a skin cream for his saddle sores that contained glucocorticoid, an anti-inflammatory steroid commonly used to treat rashes." |
A possible explanation: "The information shared with The Chronicle did not explicitly state that the athletes had used the drugs they were said to have obtained. Bonds, who is baseball's single-season home-run king...[has] publicly denied using steroids...Last week, attorneys for Anderson and Conte quoted their clients as saying Bonds had never used illegal drugs." |
| Fan and media response? Supportive of Armstrong, and incredulous towards accusers. |
Fan and media response? Suspicious of Bonds, and wary of his exploits. |
| Caucasian, but that has nothing to do with it, right? |
African-American, but that has nothing to do with it, right? |
Other Recent Items of Interest:
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Make our "team" part of your "team"
 Jean-Paul
Tremblay written-ed, directed and co-produced a bunch of so-called "comedy" and "video" content, is notoriously competitive, and nonetheless settles for bottom-tier tokenism. Repped by John Herndon at Grape Dope Entertainment. Thrill jockey!
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 Matt
Haber has written for The New York Times, Esquire,
and The New York Observer. He is not allergic to pet dander
and can do "ethnic" accents if the part calls for it. He is repped
by Candy Addams at Entertainment 4-Every-1. Feeling
special?
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 Guy Cimbalo is
so cute! Yes, he is. Who's a cute little Guy? You are, you are!
Guy's our very own star of stage and screen and is repped by Jeff Kwatinetz at
The Firm. Rowr!
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Tim
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