"Oh my god! You bought me a rap singer!"

Another day, another Post assault on hip hop:

"The Post accompanied Dizzy on a mission to deliver a birthday greeting to Michelle Burkholder, a 26-year-old assistant shoe buyer for Saks.

"'We always do special things for each other's birthdays,' said Stefanie Rogers, who'd hired Dizzy. 'And this seemed like something totally different.'

"On arriving at Michelle's office, Dizzy took off his jacket to reveal a huge silver crucifix, then launched into his rap:

"This one goes out to Michelle Burkholder/ Back in Minnesota / Her momma used to scold her/ Now look where you're at/ You're a shoe buyer for Saks! . . .

"And you look good Boo/ Sportin' your Jimmy Choo shoes/ No one can do it quite like you do/ In them 7 jeans/ Struttin' it up/ Flash a bling-bling/ Start shakin' your stuff."
[...]
"'It was so funny,' Burkholder said. 'I kind of knew something was going to happen, but I had no idea it was going to be that.'"
For Diss & Dat (yes, that's the real headline), by Tom Sykes, The New York Post, Jan. 29, 2004

Buy your own hilarious rapper here: Rap-a-gram. (Available in "Pimp" and "Thug" models, as well!)