Are you a brilliant but insecure comic genius with millions of fans? Do women think you're inexplicably sexy, yet you complain to friends and reporters that you're lonely? Did you star in a movie called The Lonely Guy? Do you want to make love to beautiful young women on camera even though you're pushing 60?

Short of changing your name to Woody Allen, here's how to achieve your goal in five simple steps.

Step 1. Write a book about a beautiful, shy, artistic young woman who works at Neiman Marcus and dates a wealthy older man.

Step 2. Adapt your own book for the screen.

Step 3. Executive Produce the film adaptation of your book.

Step. 4. Cast a formerly dewy ingenue as the beautiful, shy, artistic young woman.

Step 5. Cast yourself as the wealthy older man.

Congratulations: you are now making love to a beautiful young woman on camera even though you're pushing 60.

[Variety via Gothamist]